Mary Montanye

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On my Mother’s 95th Birthday

April 30, 2014 By Mary Montanye 9 Comments

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Today is my mother’s birthday. She would be turning 95 if she was still alive. I tried to upload a photograph of her taken when she was 22 back in 1941. My uncle scanned the photograph a few years before he died and it is one of the only pictures I have of her.

My mother didn’t think she was pretty. Very thin as a young girl and quite heavy as an adult, she used to joke that we should write on her tombstone—Here she lies. Never the right size! Knowing that she believed herself to be so unattractive can bring me to tears today.

My mother would most likely be appalled if she knew I was trying to share a photo of her with all of you. Even one in which I think she looks gorgeous—sultry and smoky. Mysterious.

I tried over and over to upload it. I’d watch the bar as it moved slowly across the screen, chugging away like a little freight train, stopping for a bit and then slowly starting up again, indicating that it was working hard to move the photo from my hard drive to the WordPress library. I waited excitedly to see her face pop up on the screen, ready to be included in this post I’m writing to you.

But instead of seeing her lovely face, I’d see a stalled bar and then an error message. It crossed my mind that she is having some supernatural effect on the process, and that idea makes me smile.

I wonder what she would think of my newly-published memoir. Would she be mortified? Hurt? Embarrassed?

Actually, I think she might be the tiniest bit proud.

My mother’s English professor in college once said to her in front of the entire class, “Miss Boyack, we know YOU will never be a writer.”

And she never was.

I think that’s what she wanted to be more than anything—even more than being a mother. But unlike some mothers, she didn’t try to live vicariously through me. In fact, she discouraged my writing until I was in my forties and was writing anyway. Then she wanted to read what I’d written and sometimes I’d see tears in her eyes as she whispered, “This is very good, Mary.”

Now, looking back, I think she was afraid I’d be hurt by brutal words like the ones flung thoughtlessly at her by her college professor. But I didn’t know it when I was growing up or even until after I’d finished the memoir and my mother had been gone for several years. I didn’t understand that she might have been trying to protect me.

One of the benefits of writing stories about our lives and families is that we often see things so differently than we saw them before we wrote. It can be an unexpected gift.

Today I do want to honor my mother with a photograph. But instead of including in this post a grainy, black and white photo of her, I will honor my mother, Elizabeth B. Porter, with flowers from our garden.

I think she will like this so much more.

Filed Under: Weekly Blog Tagged With: memoir, Mothers, Writing

Comments

  1. Heather Cullen says

    April 30, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    One very low-tech trick to try is to simply take a photo of the photo with your iphone or digital camera. Then you can crop it and improve it, etc. A scanner is nothing more than a camera. I did this a lot when gathering photos for my mom and dad’s memorial services. ((hugs)) and she’s not the only one who is proud of you!

    Reply
    • Mary Montanye says

      April 30, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      What a wonderful suggestion, Heather. Thank you. I’ll try this. Perhaps post it on Mother’s Day.

      Reply
  2. Judy Kallal says

    April 30, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Your mom would be more than the tiniest bit proud. She would be standing taller and the first one to work “my daughter the author” into a conversation. As the card I sent to you when she passed away said……She was a lady!
    Happy Birthday Betty
    and much love to you, Mary

    Reply
    • Mary Montanye says

      April 30, 2014 at 6:09 pm

      Thank you, Judy. I so hope she would be proud. And, yes, she was a lady!

      Reply
  3. Trish says

    April 30, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    What a lively tribute to your mother. Also a beautiful insight about the gift of writing your memoir is the ability to see things differently

    Reply
    • Mary Montanye says

      April 30, 2014 at 6:08 pm

      Thank you, Trish. It feels like we are having a birthday party for Mom. And, of course, she will be thrilled we’re heading off to France.

      Reply
  4. Jan M. says

    April 30, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    Are you kidding???? Your mother and all your angels have been partying ever since your book was published. I have it on the best authority. Only love is real. Only love remains constant.

    Reply
    • Mary Montanye says

      April 30, 2014 at 6:07 pm

      Jan, I was going to write a blog post to answer the question you left last blog, and I had to write this one about my mother. But I promise, I won’t forget your question. Thanks for this kind comment. It also makes me smile. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Bobbie says

    May 1, 2014 at 7:34 am

    Thank you for sharing that story, Mary…

    Reply

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